199 days...
... until I am Mrs. Smith!
But that's not why I'm writing.
I had the house somewhat to myself tonight and bought the new Shane and Shane cd "Pages". It's great and I just suddenly had the inspiration to dance. So, I pushed in the chairs in my kitchen and danced lyrical jazz around the bare floor in my bare feet... doing turns and leaps and rolls and remembering what it felt like to be on dance team again.
The music stopped and I was left breathless - with satisfaction. The way I felt at the end of a routine... totally exhausted but having just used every muscle in my body, fulfilled. In the middle of my turning and spinning the thought came to me... I need to find a dance studio here. One for adults that isn't focused on competition but simply dance.
... i also started writing again ... life is good
Follower of Christ?
What does it mean to be a Christian??? Doing some research, I found that the ONLY definition of Christian means "follower of Christ". Ok, but what does that mean? Just today at lunch, my roommate called another of my friends a "FRIENDS follower" (talking about the tv show FRIENDS because she watched it at one point). That word sparked a thought in my mind. How easy is it to follow something or become a "follower" of someone. Afterall, millions of people call themselves Christians - which literally means followers of Christ. It must be easy right?
WRONG! As I looked up the word "follower", I noticed that again, the ONLY definition was imitator. It then clicked! We are not Christians or followers of Christ unless we are IMITATING Christ! How many of us wake up and decide that today our only goal is to imitate Christ. If we are really judged acording to that standard (imitator of Christ = Christian), I think there would be millions less people who called themselves Christians.
Ugh, I'm disgusted that that word "Christian" is used so easily here and there... they are NOT Christians - they are not imitating Christ. People should be able to look at us and SEE Jesus because we are imitating him.
And how can we imitate him if we don't KNOW him? You can't imitate someone you don't know VERY WELL! We get to know Jesus by reading the Bible... and how many people can really say that they get up every day to spend at least an hour in the Bible? How can we be imitating Christ when we don't even know him?!?! Get to know Him! Read the Bible! Especially the Gospels (Matthew, Mark, Luke, John).
I'm not sure we can call ourselves Christians if we aren't actively seeking to imitate Jesus Christ.
I'm engaged!
I suppose it's about time that I let this world know that Neil and I are engaged! He asked me April 15th, 2o07 in Hilton Head Island, SC. We got up early to do our quiet times of a swinging bench next to the beach and then went on a prayer walk as we prayed for our relationship and that God would lead and guide us. A few miles later, he pretends to fall, and asks for my help up. I give him my hand and he remains on one knee. He then continues to ask me if I would help him forever. I said yes and he slipped on a beautiful princess cut diamon on my finger. He's so wonderful!
We have set the date for March 15, 2008 in Peoria, IL. Save the Date cards are the process of being made and we will have them sent out soon - with invitations to follow.
I can't wait to be his teammate, his helper, his best friend. Life is going to be great :)
Beach Day :)
I had a wonderful "off" day on Friday. Neil and I try to spend one whole day together for our birthdays or special holidays. I love those days. We took some pictures at this one (celebrating Neil's birthday) with our self timer, and I just loved them!
The next day at chapel, our chaplain asked us what we would do if terrorists came in and lined us up and said that whoever admitted to believing in Jesus would be shot - what would we say? It reminded me of our conversation again.
Now, this may be too morbid for an internet blog, but I just wanted everyone to know that if it came down to it, I would.
The Joys of Being a Teacher
I attended my first funeral with a student today. His brother died on the 5th from cancer - suddenly. I met his brother during the first week of school. He came in to meet me with his little brother and I was joking around about how tall he was. They had just moved 2 years ago from Germany, so we talked about going to international schools and the like. I've grown to love this student and his mother. It hurt my heart to know what he was going through. The rest of my class was so compasionate. They wrote him sweet notes about how much they loved him and how much of a good little brother he must have been. My student had just put up a note on our "We Can Make a Difference" board about how he helped get his brother his food and drinks. We talked about how we thought that made him feel - knowing he did a nice thing for his brother before he died.
I cried. In front of my class, I cried - I couldn't think of anything else to do as I told them why he wasn't in school that day. We stopped and prayed for him - in school. We prayed in school. And they spent the rest of the hour writing those notes.
My student was back two days later. He didn't want to go to music, so I let him stay in my room and read all the notes. He cried and laughed and put them all in a plastic bag to take home. For the rest of the hour, he just wanted to talk - about basketball and middle school and girls. It was the best time teaching I've ever had. I live for those moments.
I went to the funeral today. And as I walked through the line to give hugs, I saw the pain in his face. I hugged the mother first - she thanked me for coming. And then I came to my student. I pulled him into me and gave him a hug asking him how he was doing. It's a moment that I don't want to forget or would choose to experience again. I have a feeling it won't be my last funeral.
I drove home and was contemplating what it means to be a teacher. To have 25 little ones who look up to you and spend 7 hours a day with you. I realized how attached I'm becoming to the 24 in my room and how much I love them. I'd wrap my arms around each of them when their hearts are hurting if I could. Today, although sad, gave me a new joy and love for this profession.
I am a teacher.
Doing much better
I'm doing much better now. For awhile, I felt like I wasn't going to be able to keep running this race. The race of discipleship and loving other people. It's hard to step outside of yourself. While I was in the middle of all that tiredness and sluggishness, I read Job 23:11-14
"My feet have closely followed his steps; I have kept to his way without turning aside. I have not departed from the commands of his lips; I have treasured the words of his mouth more than my daily bread... "
God was just encouraging me to keep going - no matter what I may be FEELING - to keep running. Push through the low spots. One of my friends in a marathon runner. She told me that you start the race on adrenaline. Then, it slowly starts to wear off. If you can push through that time where it's hard and everything is burning, you will reach what is called a "runner's high" - where they are just floating and running hard.
I'm waiting for that runner's high. In the meantime - i push on.
Hi Pastor Greg! Send me an email
Mary.Rebecca.Murphy@gmail.com I'd love to talk again soon... I'm not sure if Neil told you, but we have some good news! :)
Not who I want to be...
I get frustrated with myself sometimes... actually, a lot lately. I'm just not who I want to be. I have been so aware of my depraved sin nature and all that goes along with that. My heart is not right with God - I've been prideful, manipulative, frustrated, and angry with my students and in my personal life. I really need to do some soul searching tonight... it's already late and I'm up at 5:30 tomorrow, but it is necessary. I cannot go one more day like this. Too many mistakes = a wrong heart.
so long...
It's been so long that I even forgot how to sign into this thing.
Today was deployment day for one of my good friends here. A bunch of us went with him to "see him off". It was surreal. There were hundreds of soldiers dressed in their ACU's, carrying rifles. Some were holding their children, others their wives. But most were hanging out with their other single soldier friends ... no one came to see them off. I felt like I was almost in the middle of a movie... especially as they started to leave. Danny's group was the last to go, so we got to watch loved ones say goodbye twice. It was hard to watch wives being torn away from their husbands, fathers from their children. It just didn't seem right. Each time a troup would leave, they would get in formation. Call role and then do some Hooah chant. These were men - our men - going off to war. It wasn't a game.
It's wierd to think I won't see Danny and Trent for a year. They were like brothers to me here - our dinner table is not the same... at least it wasn't tonight. Three more friends will be deploying in another few months. I think people forget that this is a real war - with real people. One of my friends casually mentioned that they were going to be in a different city in Iraq than originally planned. He referred to Bush by saying "You know the speech the President gave? About 18,000 more troops in Baghdad? That's us." It was so casual - like he knew the President and he had just given him personal orders - orders he couldn't object to or even argue.
You can hate the war and Bush and politics all you want. But, the truth is, I have 5 friends over there in a few months... it's a personal war now.
I love the Word - the Bible. I can read God's thoughts. I can see Jesus - the exact representation of God as man and see so clearly what God expects me to be. or at least to strive after. Lately, I've realized how far I am from where I want to be. How undisciplined and lazy and selfish I am - and how easy it is to stay there. Discipline. ugg. what a hard word, but what a rewarding payoff. I need discipline in my life - desperately. In all areas, but I figure that I should start with spiritual disciplines - like daily time in the Word, prayer, and reviewing memorized scripture... then I can worry about the physcial disciplines that are also so lacking. Without the spiritual disciplines, though - my life is not as full or blessed. I may look good on the outside, but my insides are rotting away. Read the Bible - there's a lot it has to say about people who take such good care of their outsides that their insides rot. yuck.
how are your insides doing?
Cockroaches
My life is being infested by cockroaches. I seriously HATE them. There used to be this ad on myspace or somewhere that had realistic cockroaches crawling all over it. They looked so real and really disgusted me. I had to refresh my page every time just to get rid of looking at it. Well, today as I sat down to check my email, that annoying ad of cockroaches came on again... but this time it was a REAL COCKROACH crawling across my screen...
A little update.
The air conditioning is broken. It was a sad incident a few days ago when the weather was 85 degrees and I would walk in the house/camping tent. I swear it smelled like I was camping in a tent that seemed to capture all of the humidity into it's nylon zipped in walls. I slept with three fans pointing on me while I layed on top of the sheets and blankets. Still - I woke up in a deep sweat... practically drowing in the puddle I had created on my pillow.
It's better today - the weather has decided to cool down to a sweet and comfortable 70 degrees. I love Saturdays in the fall. I rented the TV series Joan of Arcadia and am currently on my second episode. It's basically about this girl who has run-in's with God. It's really interesting the principles of Christianity that it implies. She is given assignments - such as "get a job at this store on the corner" and it expected to obey. So far, although reluctantly at times, she has obeyed each time. (side note... she was told by God to join AP Chemistry at school and the Chem teacher looks JUST LIKE HOLLY FISK! My roommate from college. it makes me miss her even more than I already do).
On another note... I've been reading about St. Francis of Assisi. His life really intrigues me. I feel like he really sought after knowing God and imitating His life. He was radical, real, and imitated Jesus by loving the poor. As I'm trying desperately to imitate Jesus, it's nice to see a Catholic monk that once tried to do the same. I'll keep you updated on the book - it gives lots of practical examples of how to model your life or examine your life to see in what areas you are compromising in. Pretty incredible.
In my life, I have had pretty extreme relationships. Extreme in lots of different, sinful ways. I've finally realized that the reason God has allowed those extreme relationships to occur and end in extreme ways was that he wanted/wants to have an extreme relationship with me. I think God sometimes uses the vices in our lives, or the areas of sin we are most prone to because those are the areas he wants to use in our lives. For example, a person addicted to drugs or alchohol - when they give that area to God, they become addicted to him. It's in God's nature to use ugly things and make them beautiful - to use paradoxical examples to explain life and the kingdom. ... it makes perfect sense...
I think I'm going to stop apologizing for not writing in here and just assume that you can pretend before you read that I am saying I'm very sorry over and over for the lack of entries. I think about writing all the time - if that means anything. But, in an effort to make this blog a little less borning by repeating the same first sentence every time, please know that I'm sorry.
To move on...
It's fall. I love fall. I had forgotten how much I love fall until I didn't get a fall last year. California is not for me. I love seasons and I love fall clothes and colors and the smell. I walked out of chapel (yes, I go to an Army chapel for church) and it just hit me. "This is fall." Memories of football games and high school relationships flooded my mind with such a sweet memory that I almost felt like I was 17 again. 17 and wearing football jersey #67 as I sat on the bleechers of the high school football field. Id always try to do my hair real cute - to compensate for the football jersey that I was currently wearing. It's funny the things that fall reminds me of.
Here I am. A 23 year old girl living in Southern Georgia and teaching a classroom of 25 5th graders about live and love and literature. Ok, well not about love - only a little about life - and a lot about literature. Although I do hope that Christ's love is showing through me despite my impatience and need for the room to remain silent. I think my kids see that there's something different about me. I know my Principal can - this hard-nosed, no-nonsense principal has complimented me on a few occasions and even picked me out of all 16 new teachers to attend a training on co-teaching in the classroom. I felt honored that I've stuck out above the others. I can only hope that it is the aroma of Christ.
Sometimes I think it's strange that I live in a military town. That my students make up sentences about visiting the commissary (or the mall on post), that they know and understand all about the infantry and cavalry from the Civil War because they can relate it to today's infantry and cavalry - and even make the connection that the 3rd Infantry Division (3rd ID - Fort Stewart's division) is made up of infantry men. I find it interesting that a military unit has adopted our school and even sends their soldiers to come and help in the classroom. And last night when Suzanne and I heard a loud rumbling that shook the walls of the room, we didn't even blink twice because we knew it was a Chinook (military helicopter) flying overhead because most of our boys are in the field training. Even adopting the term "our boys" is so natural for me. Especially when it comes to the "boys" we deal with in the ministry...
We were driving back from a retreat at Ft. Bragg in North Carolina and I was sitting in the back of a van filled with soldiers. As we drove, I heard them laugh and make jokes and quote scripture and talk about their lives, and my heart leapt - I realized how much I care for these guys. How I feel like their little sister (or big sister in some cases). And then it hit me - some of them are deploying to a war zone in less than 3 months. It's so crazy to me that these "boys" that I care about so much are going halfway across the world to be in war. Thankfully, no matter where my feelings lie on the issue of this war, I know that these boys are not going to defend their country, or our freedom, or even to make America proud - they are going because there are soldiers - American soldiers - that need Jesus just as much as the rest of us... and at times, these soldiers are the most vulnerable and influenced when their own lives are in danger. These boys are going to risk their lives to tell other soldiers about the Lord. That makes me love them even more.
Southern Living
This post is all about the south - how wonderfully complicated it is to live here.
1. My school dress code consists of NO denim or khaki pants, and only high heels. In Illinois, I wore my Chucks to teach in.
If I wore a skirt, I was considered dressed up and everyone would ask where I was going. I have asked yet, but I bet I don't wear enough makeup or do my hair big enough.
2. It is rude here to respond with ANYTHING except "Yes, Ma'am". I've gotten "spoken to" a few times for responding with "what?" or "yes".
3. I've never seen so many cockroaches and spiders. One crawled out of my pencil sharpener at school the other day. Another one was in my student's desk. My Strong's Concordance has come in handy for killing the ones I find in my room.
4. On my walk yesterday, I turned a corner and saw an old man pointing at the telephone wires with his SHOT GUN! I have no idea why, but the second time I came around that street, he was chatting with his neighbors while leaning on the top of the gun. It would've been even better if he were wearing overalls and chewing on a piece of straw.
5. Overall, though - I love the south. Honestly, I do.
Hinesville, post #2
This is ridiculous that it has taken me almost one whole month to write another update. You can thank the zinc and Vitamin C vitamins I just took. I took them without food, so I'm laying here on the couch feeling extremely nausious. So, I had to make good use of my time and blog with my computer on my lap.
You may wonder why I'm taking Zinc and Vitamin C in the first place. I am now a teacher and with that comes sickness and disease. It was too late to prevent this cold, so now I'm taking vitamins to prevent any other virus or bacteria that wants to come my way. The Germ-X and hand washing Nazi obviously wasn't enough. I can briefly talk about school, although it really isn't my life or what I want to devote an entire entry to. It's going well. I have a great class, and while my feet are extremely sore from the dress code of "WEAR HIGH HEELS" I know that God is working in my life through it. He is refining me by putting me in a school with such a hard administration and showing me that I can still succeed through His strength. I think I've gotten on the administration's good side - I had a meeting with the principal and vice principal this week and made them laugh during it. That's a good sign. The other teacher's in my hall were asked to recite the school motto, vision, etc... I didn't have to do any of that.
But the real part of my life is outside of school. School is what helps me pay the bills - this is what helps me change lives. I'm living with a family on staff with the Navigator's Military Ministry. I have learned through watching them the importance of a marriage that is outward focused on other people rather than inward focused on the family. While it seems like a paradox, their bond as a family is so intense because they all have the same mission of reaching others through intentional relationships. I have been learning how move every person I meet one step closer to Christ no matter where they are.
I have been getting CONSISTENT and QUALITY time in the Word which has really changed my relationship with God. I always knew something was missing in this Christian life I was leading, but I could never figure it out. It seems so simple now, but I wasn't getting into the word like I should. I would use Books for my quiet time other than the Bible, and now I can't imagine using a book during my quiet time that isn't the Bible. I love to hear straight from God and I've even avoiding getting guidance from other people when I know I could find it for myself in the Word. It has changed my life. If I had known how important this was, I would've started reading every day years ago. I was never very consistent until now. I am going to read through the Bible every year for the rest of my life!!
I'm still praying for some girlfriends. I have a mentor who I absolutely love (Paige Smith) and a running mate that is awesome (Sarah Beth Krietzer), but they are both in different stages of life... married and have children (or one on the way). So, I'd like to have a single girl who is running as hard after God as I feel I am now. Neil is a good running mate, but he's a boy. :) We recently met a girl who seems pretty interested in quiet times and being around the christian fellowship, so I'm really encouraged with that. I definitely miss my college roommates and Tara and Allison from California who really were my close friends at the same stage in life as me.
But, there's a reason I haven't found that girl yet, maybe God is preparing me more for that next stage in life - we'll see.
I will try to write more. My mom says lots of people ask about why I'm not writing. I don't have a reason. Please know that life in Hinesville is great - I know for a fact that this is where I am supposed to be for now. I'm thinking I'll be here at least for 3 years, so for those of you who want my address, it shouldn't change much. Ask my mom for it, or email me.
And to answer the previous commentor's questions:
1. no, I stopped writing for that magazine. The editor I was working for was let go, and I really liked her so I stopped at my own choosing. Plus, I haven't had much time to write. I suppose I could email the new editor to see if I could write again, but not right now.
2. Favorite snack - jelly bellies by far.
3. My class is great - I have sweet kids.
4. I haven't seen my family since July. My dad is coming in October and I'm going back in November for Thanksgiving.
5. Thanks for the comment - I LOVE THEM!
love,
becky
Hinesville, post #1
Well, sorry for ever thinking about changing to a new blogging site. The negative feedback was overwhelming. I had no idea my fan base has grown to such a large number. Quite humbling that anyone would want to read my random postings on what God is doing in my life.
I have been in Hinesville for almost a month. What a packed month it has been! I have really enjoyed the Christian fellowship here and am so glad that that is the reason I chose to move here in the first place. It has been awesome to do life on life ministry with other believers. I used to think that I was an introvert that needed a lot of alone time to re-energize. I was wrong... I re-energize here around these people. Paige, Jim, John, Sarah, Neil - they energize me. I LOVE coming home from work and seeing our backyard filled with cars. That means people are over and I don't have to be home alone. I love being around these people - God is SO good!
Teaching has started. My class is great. I can't talk much about it on here... legal issues. Please understand.
Tonight I went to a PWOC get-together. (Protestant Women Of the Chapel). I met a few army wives and got to hang out with a fellow fifth grade teacher I invited. I was the only single girl there. I don't know what God is trying to tell me, but since I've been here and observed wives with their husbands and mothers with their kids, my desire to be married and have a family has grown all the more. I hear women talking about how their man leads them in prayer and in decision making. I see women adoring and serving their husbands. I see women helping their men in their ministry by being patient and self-sacrificing. I see women teaching their children Bible verses and praying with them. I pray God is bringing all this to my mind so intensely because he is preparing me for the same thing someday.
I love and miss you all!
My new blog about Hinesville, Ga...
check it out!
http://www.xanga.com/Hello_Hinesville
Bye Bakersfield, Hello Hinesville!
Well, I have officially left California. The day I packed up the apartment (Friday) was surreal. After the entire apartment was empty and everyone had left, I went up to my room and just knealt in the middle of my room. I listened for a little bit to the silence - it was the first time our apartment had been that silent. There was always music playing, people laughing or fighting on the phone, computer instant messenger's going off, fans blowing air... I didn't know my apartment was that silent. As I knealt there, I just prayed - prayed that what I was doing was right... asking God for some sort of sign that He was still there... He's felt kinda far lately.
My car is totally packed and Tyler and I left Bakersfield this morning (Saturday) at 9 AM - we arrived in Richfield, Utah at 6:00 pm. Tomorrow's goal is to make it to Kearney, NE. Then finally arriving in Dunlap, IL by Monday night. I will spend the week in IL and leave on Sunday to drive to Georgia. Pretty exciting.
My soul is learning to wait silently... it's hard.
This Time I WILL Praise the Lord
It seems like I learn lessons OVER and OVER again. I hear they are supposed to get harder and harder to learn each time we have to, so I want to get this right. It hit me today - I was reading in Genesis about Leah having Jacob's babies. His first four. Poor girl felt unloved and was trying so desperately to feel loved and appreciated by her husband Jacob. I guess she thought babies would do that - specifically sons. Let's see how it goes...
1st son: Reuben... Leah says, "It is because the Lord has seen my misery. Surely MY HUSBAND WILL LOVE ME NOW".
Guess that didn't work because here comes Son #2: Simeon... Lean says, "Because the Lord heard that I am not loved, he gave me this one too".
3rd try, 3rd son: Levi... "Now at last MY HUSAND WILL BECOME ATTACHED TO ME, because I have borne him three sons."
Sorry, Leah... try again - Jacob still won't pay attention to you or love you like you desire to be loved.
4th son: Judah... Leah finally gets it right... she leaves the lack of attention from Jacob alone and says, "THIS TIME I WILL PRAISE THE LORD!"
May that be my cry, too... THIS TIME I WILL PRAISE THE LORD. No more running to things that don't satisfy - things that leave me thirsty and desiring more. I have a God that can meet all my needs - that can love me exactly how I desire to be loved. This time will be different because this time I will praise the Lord.
GEMS
GEMS
1 Corinthians 3:11-15
"For no one can lay any foundation other than th eone already laid, which is Jesus Christ. If any man builds on this foundation using gold, silver, costly stones, wood, hay or straw, his work will be shown for what it is, because the Day will bring it to light. It will be revealed with fire, and the fire will test the quality of each man's work. If what he has built survives, he will receive his reward. If it is burned up, he will suffer loss; he himself will be saved, but only as one escaping through the flames."
Wow. This verse totally encourages me to make sure that whatever I am doing is something that will survive the fire at the end of the age. The fire? (you may be asking). I heard this really cool sermon on day that described our judgment day as a wall of fire standing between you and God. God asks us to walk through the fire to Him and we start to get worried that the things we have brought with us are going to burn up. We look at a relationship we cherish, or a job we love, or a person we have taught about Jesus and we start to wonder if it will make it through the fire. If it does, we will have something to lay at Jesus' feet as a sacrifice... if it doesn't, we will have nothing - it would have been done in vain. Everything we do will be "revealed with fire, and the fire will test the quality of each man's work". I want the things I do in this life to make it through the fire so that I will have something to sacrifice to the Lord.
SO...... in light of this, I have come up with a purpose statement for my life - one that just happens to spell "GEMS". I to build on top of my foundation of Jesus Christ GEMS that will last - that will make it through the fire. So - here it is... my purpose statement that will hopefully help me line up my life with things that will last eternally:
Glorify God
- Increase in knowledge, wisdom, and love of God
- Walk by the Spirit on a daily, minute-by-minute basis
- Become a woman of excellence (Proverbs 31)
Eternal Perspective
- Become a pilgrim (be ready to move whenever God calls me somewhere else)
- Never do anything I wouldn't want to do if it were my last hour of my life.
Make Disciples
- Spiritual mothering (and hopefully physcial mothering someday)
- Influence generations
- Have a community focus like in Acts 2
Sacrificial Life
- Live a paradoxical lifestyle (the last shall be first, the first shall be last... whoever loves his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for My name's sake will gain it). The Christian life is so paradoxical.
- Have an open hand to God. Letting him have access to everything in my life to do with what He wills.
Yes, I know I never update - maybe I was just waiting for some comments from people to let me know that this blog is read! :) Mark Ivaska - thank you for e-stalking me... and the others that do as well - Andrea... I think I might me on to you too :)
Anyways - the 18 college students are here and I'm totally loving my new role in ministry. I love to be busy and to do worthwhile work WITH people. Mostly, I've loved "taking care" of the girls. I have 4 girls that I get to focus all my attention on and so far I've met with all of them one-on-one and had great times. I can see how God has been preparing me for such a time as this - to explain how to have a quiet time... to explain the role of the Holy Spirit... to explain how to share your testimony clearly - I'm super excited that God is using me and I get to see it!
I remember women that I totally looked/look up to - and these girls have told me that they really respect me and think of me as a Godly woman - may all the glory go to the Lord. I thank God for bringing me through what he has up to this point and am confident that he that began a good work in me will bring it to completion - just like he will in these precious girls' lives.
Needlesstosay - this is more the type of work that I will get to do in Georgia with the Navigator's military ministry - I will be trained in how to disciple women and get to minister to army wives and female soldiers. I'm super excited. Oh yea - as you know, my side job is teaching 5th grade! :) I'm excited about that too.
The weather is getting warmer here - trying to keep the dress code under wraps with these girls :)
ps - my brother is here on project, too... it's SO FUN to see him in ministry - I watched him preach his first sermon last wednesday night to a homeless church. I will post pictures soon. And I promise that I WILL TRY to update this more often. I really desire to - and in fact, I stalk myself every day to see if there have been any changes to the blog (although I don't know why I keep thinking someone else is updating this!)
gotta go - busy girl!
Oh my goodness life is stressful right now. Eighteen college students are coming on Thursday for a month of ministry in Bakersfield. And our office is SO TENSE. The minute I walk in, I'm bombarded with tons of requests and reminders of things that are due/need to be done.
Thankfully, I got up at 6:15 this morning to spend 1 1/2 hours on my front porch reading my Bible (by Jesus) and Passion and Purity (by Elisabeth Eliot) - otherwise I would not be able to handle the stress of this office today. I love getting up early. I love that I pulled two kitchen chairs out to my front porch after sweeping it off (one for me to sit on and one to prop my feet up on). I love that while I was sweeping my porch off, my neighbor across the street pokes her head out of her doorway. After saying goodmorning, she says -
"I want to tell you something..." I walk closer to her with my broom as she is hanging out of the door - trying to hide the fact that she is still in her nightgown.
"Last night," she continues,
"my father in law's house was broken into and when he confronted the guy in the kitchen, he was beat up and stabbed. I thought I'd tell you so you could pray for him." I LOVE that she thought I would pray for him.
After about an hour of reading, a neighbor walked by that I hadn't seen in months - on her way to work. We chatted for a little bit as I sipped my coffee. What a blessed morning.
Thank you Jesus for this morning... and I even thank You for the chaos of this office.
The Simple Way
I lost my virginity to Trader Joes today. For those of you who may have their mouths hanging open or a confused look on their face, Trader Joes is an organic grocery store that specilizes in organic, imported, and kosher foods. It's my attempt to act on a conviction I had this past week to start living simply and off the things made from the ground. I'm not becoming a vegan or a vegetarian - but maybe someone who promotes dematerialization and organic foods. Revelation 18 backed me up today, too - it's talking about this big prostitute and what is coming to her... basically she is going to get a taste of her own medicine, but two fold. Verse 7 says, "Give her as much torture and grief as the GLORY and LUXURY she gave herself". Wow. Convicting. I look at all the luxuries I have. Too many. It's time to get rid of them all. I'm not sure what that means, but I'm going to explore it over the next few months. I'm starting with eating natural foods that are not processed as much as possible.
Shane Claiborne. Seriously, awesome guy. Read his book Irresistible Revolution and join with me in becoming radical revolutionaries that change the face of the evangelical Christian church!!! Let's change the world by becoming smaller and walking like Jesus walked. I think God is changing me as I type.
NEW JOB!
Well I have good news! You are looking at the new 5th grade teacher at Liberty Elementary School . On July 8th, I will be packing my car in Bakersfield and starting a long trip across the entire country to Hinesville, Georgia! I scored an interview with an awesome school in the area last Thursday and was offered the job on the spot. Although I am sad to leave some of the kids here in Bako, God has confirmed this decision over and over since then. I will be close to Neil, working with kids in poverty, and have amazing access to resources the school has available.
I will be making a quick stop in Illinois from July 11th - the 16th for a family reunion and packing. Then I will be in Georgia by the 17th hopefully. I will be moving into an apartment, organizing my very own classroom, and enjoying the close proximities to my wonderful boyfriend! I also have made really good friends with about 3 women down there that I can't wait to start developing friendships with.
As far as the rest of my time in Bako - Summer in the City is coming in June and we will have 18 college students here to minister with us this summer... my brother included! So excited!
love, Becky
Adoption Dreams
I made a mistake today of clicking on a link at
www.familylife.com that took me to a site where you can view children waiting to be adopted from all countries of the world. My heart started beating really fast as my head told me I should click out of the link. But, I couldn't. Pictures of babies like this little one kept smiling up at me.
It kind of felt like I was shopping for a cat to adopt. All the pictures of each child listed with a descriptive statement that would draw someone to contact the agency for more information. In a way, it didn't seem right - these children are so much more than "cats", but they all have one thing in common. They are waiting for a "forever family". And they are all ages. Infants to 18 years old. All smiling in their pictures and describing themselves as "loving to read, good at school, shares his toys".
Then there are the ones with HIV, medical problems, cleft lips... just as precious as any of the others, but still disregarded. Uhhhhh - I wish I could take them all home. Obviously, I'm not at a place right now where I could adopt, but it is on my heart and mind... even more now that I exposed myself to this adoption website.
What a cool way to reach the nations with the Gospel and to reach out to orphans at the same time. Adopting.
When can I start?! :)
Busy Week
What a whirlwind of a few weeks. I seriously haven't much time to breathe. After getting back from two weekend of getting to spend quality time with Neil, I knew a lot of work was waiting for me at the office. Sure enough, this past week has consisted of three 2 1/2 hour trainings for over 150 people. We're training them on how to evangelize to children and run an Easter Outreach Party, so it's been worth the late nights and lack of sleep.
Also, last night, I chaperoned one of my high schooler's birthday parties at the local bowling alley. We stayed until 1am (although with the time change was really 2am) then the girls came over to spend the night afterwards.
I'm trying to remember what it was like to be in high school. To not know who I was going to marry, but try to figure it out. To obsess and worry over boys and try to manipulate car pools so I could be in the car with the boy I did like.
This morning in their sunday school, we talked about what relationships really are. What's acceptable and what's not... Basically it's an open forum where the kids can comment and give their 2 cents whenever they want. It was very interesting to sit back and listen to them.
Some guy was insistant that girls don't desire commitment and despite the attempts of Chris (the youth leader) to tell him that girls are wired differently, he didn't see it. Which, just proves his point even more. The girls were saying how they couldn't just go up and tell a guy they liked him for fear of ruining the friendship - and the guys couldn't understand why they wouldn't. I'll be interested to see how this series turns out.
It makes me so thankful for my man though :) How straightforward his with his feelings for me and where this relationship is leading. And he gets me more than anyone I've ever known.
Verse and Idea
A very cute soldier once told me that when you are doing a quiet time with the Lord, you should walk away with one verse and one idea to share with people who come along your path that day. I'm taking him up on his "dare". Here are mine for the day:
John 12:27 - 28
"'Now my heart is troubled, and what shall I say? 'Father save me from this hour?' No, it was for this very reason I came to this hour. Father, glorify your name!'"
Jesus is speaking in this verse - soon before he knows he'll be crucified. I can't pretend to imagine the thoughts going through his head - knowing this painful crucifixion was coming up. But he says very plainly that his heart was troubled. At the same time, however he knows he can't ask the silly question of "Father - save me!" He fully realizes that this was the very reason he came to earth - the very purpose he was sent here. And in the midst of this, he asks the Father to glorify his name!
I was too - I was put on this Earth for a specific purpose. The details of that purpose may not always be comfortable, but I pray my attitude will always be the same as Jesus here. Despite the pain and uncomfortable atmosphere of my calling, I will raise my hands, lift my head to the heavens and shout... Father - glorify your name!
New Opportunities
You guys. God totally rocks. Seriously. My life is so blessed. I have no idea what I've done to deserve any of it - honestly, nothing - that's why it's called grace. I'm just so excited about opportunities God is opening up for ministry possibilities next year. I wish I could share all the details, but I need to pray about them first. Just know that when you trust God, he can take you from having no idea what to do - to having such an excitement for a possibility!
My life is so exciting!!!!
Random Ramblings
I honestly wish I wrote in here more often. Not only because I like to keep everyone updated on how ministry is going, but also because writing is therapy for me. This year, I had decided to do all my journaling on the computer (in Word), but my hard drive crashed soon after the New Year, and my plans to type all my entries were erased into the deep abyss of nothing. I had nothing left - no journals, no nothing. It has greatly slowed down my journaling as I needed to go buy a new "real" journal - as these computer ones are so unreliable.
I'm sitting here watching a special called "Celtic Women" - these ladies can sing. I'm tempted to go buy their CD on iTunes. It's so beautiful. I think my parent's went to their concert when it was in Peoria. Maybe someday I'll be able to go to one, too. I just love concerts like this - I totally connect with music.
It's funny - how I connect with music. I've been doing a Beth Moore Bible Study with a few other girls and almost every entry reminds me of a song, so I write it down in the margins and am planning on making all the girls a mix CD at the end. Music moves my soul.
The other day I was walking around my neighborhood early one morning. It was a pretty cold morning for California - so cold that there was a light light light layer of frost on cars and a little on the grass. A little boy was walking to school... noticed the frost on the grass and got super excited (thinking it was snow I'm sure). He ran up to it and started stepping in the grass - slowly enough to look backwards at each step to see the "mark" he had made. It was precious. He was confident that he was making a mark in the "snow" - even though it was barely noticeable.
I have to be confident of that too - that I making a mark in Bakersfield - even if doesn't seem that way. And even if sometimes I'd rather not be here. God is here - and so am I.
Mishaps in Ministry
My new article is posted at www.radiantmag.com.
It's on the front page.
"Mishaps in Ministry"
Let me know what you think.
- Becky
SPC Neil D. Smith
Sorry for the lack of posting lately. For the past 10 days, I have been spending time with my boyfriend who just got back from Iraq a month ago. Some of you may have had no idea that I'd been writing to him - SPC Neil D. Smith - since the end of August. We met on an online Christian Community called Christiancafe.com. I did a free 10 day trial with this website out of boredom/interest (I was done support raising and just waiting to move) and happened to meet him within those 10 days. It started as nothing more than friends. I figured he could encourage me as I move into ministry and I thought it would be great to write and encourage a soldier in Iraq.
So, we chatted on AIM for 2 months whenever we were both online at the same time. Our conversations were all about the Lord and what He was doing in our lives. Around the end of September, I was reading this book called
Knight and Shining Armor and came to a part where it said:
If you find a man whose greatest love is the Lord and he would NEVER want to do anything to hurt God, hold onto him because he is someone that you could follow anywhere.
My mind immediately went to Neil, and for the first time I thought of him as more than a friend. I started praying that God would direct our conversations and that I wouldn't get too far ahead of myself. And, if nothing else, I had found a man to compare other guys to. I had never seen a guy so fully devoted to the Lord - it was exciting when I realized that he was someone that I could follow anywhere if God led us to be together.
He called me for the first time in the middle of October and it was so great to hear his voice. We'd used webcams by this point, so I had seen what he looked like... very cute :) Around this time, he expressed his interest in me too, and I had found out that he had been praying that God would give me a heart for him - a heart to love and cherish him. I have never seen God answer prayer so much since being with him. I could go on and on about answered prayers we've prayed together, but this entry would be miles long.
So we talked on the phone every day from October - December. He left Iraq on December 25th - what a great Christmas present for me! After staying at Ft. Stewart, Georgia for a few weeks, he got his leave/vacation and decided to use it to come see me!
On January 21st, I picked him up at LAX. It was so amazing to get to hug him - it felt like no one else was in the airport with us. The rest of the week was great. He stayed at my city director's house and we spend entire days together just talking, walking around, praying, reading God's word, and going through some tough questions. It felt like an old friend had come to visit. It was a little difficult getting used to him being there and seeing mannerims and facial expressions for the first time, but after a few days I was used to everything. My heart and love for him grew even more after being around him,
He was supposed to leave on January 29th at 5:15 pm, but with traffic to LA we ended up missing the check in time by 6 minutes. We were actually really excited that we would have 12 more hours together. Instead of driving the 2 hours back to Bakersfield, we went to Orange County and stayed with some friends and supporters of mine. So, he got to see my old town I lived in.
I was just a great time of glorifying the Lord together in whatever we did. I can't wait to see where He leads this - it's really exciting.
Just thought I'd update ya'll on the newest/oldest development.
ps - my article has moved from the front page to
http://www.radiantmag.com/article.php?id=13Enjoy!
Be looking for a new Mishaps article on
www.radiantmag.com soon (most likely each 3rd Friday of the month).
Published Writer!
Hey ya'll! You'll never guess what God has brought along in my life!
After everyone's encouragement to start a writing career, I wrote a woman's magazine about some article ideas I had. They wrote back, interested in seeing an example of an article. So, I wrote one and sent it back - not really sure what to think. The title of my article was "Mishaps in the Kitchen"
She wrote back today!! And they're posting my article on their website this afternoon!!! AND - she wants me to do a "mishaps in... " series to be published every 3rd Friday of the month! How cool is that?! God is really providing opportunities for me to write and be published.
So - check it out (up later today)
www.radiantmag.comSO EXCITING!!! Thanks for everyone's encouragement to do this!
becky...
